Book Progress

Well, it’s been a week of mulling things over and facing up to things in my past and indeed my present which I’d rather not have done. For the sake of this book, you understand.

I’m going with the idea I had about my online alter-ego Traumatron, and how I ran the UK group over on suicidegirls.com. Its simply a bunch of illustrations based on some of the stuff I got up to while I ruled over that little message board like it was the most important thing in the world. So I had to rejoin the site this week to regain access to all the old threads and pictures and such. And…I’m not entirely glad that I did so. I found a thread about ‘members we miss the most’. Was I mentioned? Sure. By one guy, who then later changed his mind! It honestly wounded me a little bit. I poured alot into running that group and apparently no one gives a shit.

What did I do it all for? The recognition? The friendship? or was I really just some guy on a stupid power trip after all? What did I expect to see when I got back there? Weeping women? a statue in my honour?

Christ, I’m such an idiot.

I left the site due to my dislike of the way the whole thing was being run in respect to paying the models, and reputation the site had regarding internet drama. I didn’t want to be associated with anything like that as I finally become an adult and get on course with my real life as an artist or designer.

You can’t put ‘internet group tyrant’ on your CV. You also can’t say that that your hobbies include “flaming n00bs and pointing out attention whores for great justice.”

The truth is, I thought I knew who I was. Now, I’m not so sure.

Does the internet give us a chance to augment our personalities into something bigger? Or does it simply expose us for what we really are?


As far as actual work on the book is going, I’ve done a ‘style test’, if you like. A self portrait. I sat in front of the web cam and pulled typically Traumatron-esque poses. Clawing at the sky in rage at someone’s stupid comment. Laughing manically as I clear out the lurkers. Scowling intensely as I read the journals of brainless teenagers with problems I deem banal and worthy of scorn.
Then, I scrawled angrily over the pictures of my face in Painter X, transforming myself into what I see Traumatron being personified as. Screaming, corpse like and staring.

This is either going to be very difficult, or very cathartic.

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~ by traumatron on February 22, 2008.

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